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Seniors with dementia in Wisconsin cut off from family
Seniors with dementia in Wisconsin cut off from family
PEWAUKEE -- Why haven't you come to visit me? Those are the heartbreaking words thousands of Wisconsin families have heard from loved ones on lockdown inside nursing homes amid the coronavirus pandemic. It's an especially confusing time for seniors who keep asking that question because they don't remember the answer.
"Good morning, Mom, can you see me? Your nails look so pretty," said Nancy Brundidge of Delafield as she spoke with her mother via FaceTime Wednesday, April 29.
Caring for a parent in decline is hard. Watching it happen from the other side of a screen is a
Nancy Brundidge and her mother, Mary
gonizing.
"Do you worry that she wakes up some days and goes, 'I wonder why I haven't seen my daughter for a while?'" asked FOX6's Bryan Polcyn.
"Yeah," said Brundidge.
Brundidge's mother, Mary, has dementia and lives in a memory care unit at Kirkland Crossings in Pewaukee.
"I just have a really hard time leaving her there," said Brundidge, unable to see her mother in person for weeks.
Instead of visiting, Brundidge stares at her mobile phone, hoping to catch a glimpse of the web cam she installed before the lockdown started.
"I'm just so consumed by this these days," said Brundidge.
Kate Kahles
Others, she knows, don't have "this."
"You sometimes already feel like you're on borrowed time," said Kate Kahles with the Alzheimer's Association of Wisconsin.
The Alzheimer's Association of Wisconsin counts more than 120,000 seniors in Wisconsin with dementia -- many of them locked down in nursing homes, cut off from family.
"They oftentimes have to be reminded multiple times why this is happening because they don't understand why their family can't come in," said Kahles. "They think their family is choosing not to come in."
Brundidge sometimes drops off supplies, but she can't go in, and no matter what she sees on her web cam, she feels helpless to intervene.
Mike and Nancy Brundidge
"I see her sitting in her wheelchair more than I'd like her to be sitting in her wheelchair," said Brundidge. "It's showing that the staff is overwhelmed."
That's why Mike and Nancy Brundidge are pleading for a change.
"They really do need an advocate," said Mike Brundidge.
They asked the nursing home to clear one family member per resident to visit, as long as they agree to follow the same safety precautions as the staff.
"Whatever the protocols are, I think any family member would go through them, you know, to be able to be the advocate for the person that they love," said Mike Brundidge.
Public health experts told FOX6 News the risk is simply too great for a population so vulnerable. The administrator of Kirkland Crossings wrote that they plan to continue following state and federal guidance prohibiting nonessential visits to keep residents safe.
"'I want them to be safe, but on the other hand, I want them to have a good quality of life," said Nancy Brundidge.
Nancy Brundidge and her mother, Mary
Nancy Brundidge said if there's one silver lining, it's that her mother may not even remember all of this, but the heartache of their forced social distance is something she'll never forget.
The state's "Safer at Home" order expires May 26 but that doesn't mean nursing homes will allow visitors to return at that time. It's just not clear when that will happen, and for Nancy Brundidge and so many others like her, they're just not sure what will be left of their loved ones' mental faculties when that time comes.
Statement from Kirkland Crossings:
CLICK HERE for information from the Wisconsin Department of Health Services on COVID-19 in health facilities.